Awakenings Part 2
Forbidden Railway Tracks
Forbidden Railway Tracks
To: All Dear Ones
Subject: Forbidden Railway Tracks - First in a New Series of “Awakenings” from Bhau
Note: After dictating “Yad Rakh,” (the previous “Awakening,” given to Bhau by Baba on 10th June, 2001), Bhau felt that Baba wanted him to focus on Trust work. Beloved Baba had been giving him messages in order to keep Bhau happy and cheerful, so that he would not dwell on his suffering. Since his mind now had to be engaged on Trust work, Bhau did not think that he would receive any more direct messages from Baba. Also, with Yad Rakh, the series of “Awakenings” somehow felt complete.
Perhaps if Bhau were lucky, he would remember the forgotten Parts II and III of “Not Remembering is Not Forgetting,” (his “Awakening” of 21st May), as well the message Baba had given him for Seviks and Sevikas. (This is not true forgetfulness, this is loss of memory due to his strokes). Fortunately, this indeed was the case for the “Awakening” which follows, Part II of Not Remembering is Not Forgetting.
So he did not expect any fresh “Awakenings.” But Baba hews to His own schedule and timetable, and is ever the most surprising One of all! In forthcoming weeks, several new “Awakenings” will be circulated to His dear ones. Avatar Meher Baba Ki Jai! From Bhau:
On Wednesday, June 13th, I was in my office with Freeman, Max and Shiva (Lynwood) doing Trust work. Suddenly I remembered the second part of the message that Beloved Baba gave to me when He appeared to me in physical form at Sheela’s house in Meherabad, at 4:00 a.m. the morning of 21st May.
That morning, Baba had appeared to me and explained to me the difference between “not remembering” and “forgetting.” For a few minutes I slept, then suddenly I awoke, and Baba was again standing beside my bed.
“Do you remember that incident at Guruprasad,” He said, “when I asked you ‘Did you write that book which I had asked you to write?’”
“Yes, I remember,” I said to Him. “I told You I had not yet started.”
Baba had gotten very angry. He had said, “I don’t want to see your face. You are good for nothing. Why did you not do as I instructed?”
Whenever He would instruct me to write a book, the next day He would ask, “Whether you have completed it?” Even though Baba had been upset, He asked me to sit beside the bed [at Guruprasad] where He was lying down.
I was thinking, “How is it possible to write a book in a day. It is impossible. I cannot make Baba happy. It is useless to live. I must die. But how to die?”
I thought the only solution would be to commit suicide. Then another thought would intrude: Baba says that suicide is very bad. No one should ever do it. And then another thought would follow, “Who knows whether it is good or bad?”
“Even if it is bad, it is the only solution,” I would feel.
Yet another thought would come, “How to commit suicide?”
So I decided that after keeping nightwatch, I must go to the railway station, which was very close, and sleep on the rails. A train would come, and I would be finished.
But then the worry came, that Baba, of course, is really very, very kind and merciful. If I could not please Him, then it was my fault. If I did commit suicide, Baba would be in difficulty. The police would come. All sorts of inquiries would be made. So I must write something so Baba would not fall under suspicion. This was Baba’s order, that I should not move.
Then I realized that if I wrote anything, there would be movement. That meant I would disobey Baba’s order. Then another thought came, that even if I disobeyed Baba, it would be good for Him, as I was trying to save him from difficulty.
Therefore I must write the note. I tried to get up. As soon as I tried, Baba took a turn in the bed, and I sat down. I tried thrice. Each time, He would take a turn, and I would sit down.
Then I thought, “Baba is not allowing me to write. He will have to face the difficulties, so it is not my fault. He is not allowing me to write anything to save Him.”
It went on like this for eight hours.
Then it was 4:00 a.m., and I had to leave. I stood up in front of Baba’s bed, and I prayed to him, “Baba, tomorrow you will not see my face. Though I tried to my best to save You from trouble with the police, You did not allow me. Please, forgive me. I tried my best.”
As soon as I crossed the doorstep, I forgot that I had to go to the railway station. I went to my bed and slept. When I woke up, I thought, “How did this happen? I wanted to commit suicide, and I could not do it.”
So Baba reminded me about this incident, and He said, “Know well, I am all-knowing. I know everything. No one can hide anything from Me. Therefore, in your life, whatever you do, know well, that I know. Never think that I don’t know. And don’t try to hide anything from Me. I am thousands of times closer than your very breath. So whatever you do, whatever you think, I know that. I’m your very life.”
Early this morning when Baba came to me, there were some intervals in His appearance. I would sleep for five minutes, and Baba would reappear. This went on for two and one half hours. The above is the second part of Baba’s message that was given to me that morning [21st May], and as far as the third part, let it come.
With all love and Jai Babas to you,
In His love and service,
Ahmednagar, MS, India
Wednesday, 14th June, 2001
PS. Coming soon: Two new “Awakenings” from Bhau: Narad’s Killing Glance, and Krishna’s Gopis; Baba’s Arjuna.